The Tale of the Tree-Hugging Princess

A simple, life-changing lesson

Photo by Trent Haaland on Unsplash

“I don’t know if I’m an earthy crunchy mountain girl or if I’m a North Shore princess,” I said with confusion to a therapist many years ago. I was trying to figure out who I was. I was trying to wrap my head around this idea of where I belonged.

I had just returned from spending several post-graduate months in Colorado, and I was 22 years old. With an expansive love for the mountains and a more rugged life, I was feeling displaced back in the northern suburbs of Chicago.

Decades later, this conversation with my therapist still shapes advice I give others and stories I tell myself. He looked at me and responded without hesitation: “You can be both.”

Life-Changing Simplicity

I can be both? It was the most freeing statement for me to consider. His confidence and certainty enabled me to quickly believe his words. I could embrace this carefree bohemian side of myself while also celebrating the more vain part of me that wanted to get a manicure and shop at Neiman’s.

It sounds so trivial as I explain it now, but it is much deeper than it appears. There are many inherent struggles when the different aspects of ourselves are contradictory.

How would you explain who you are? What is important to you? Are you an outdoorsy, nature lover? Are you a fast-paced business exec? Are you a Republican? A Democrat? Is your role of mom your starring role in life? Is the fact that you never married the core part of your identity?

Look at the stories you tell yourself about who you are. Think about how you judge yourself if you have failed to fit into a conventional mold. It seems as if it would be easier to be defined in a simpler way — a way in which others are clear about who you are. But, the real beauty lies in our very own complexities and contradictions.

The real authenticity is found when we can step out of the expected perceptions we have of ourselves. Plus, taking it one step further, the real peace can be found when we accept this overall incongruity. After all, we are not simply what we do or how we act or who we vote for or what kind of house we have.

We are much more than our egos. Plus, as “they” say, our ego is only an illusion anyway!

Flash Forward a Few Decades

More recently, the advice of that therapist has sprung into my mind: I was immersed in a training program to become a meditation guide. I felt I was at one of the most peaceful times in my life as I participated in daily meditations, conscious eating, introspective journaling, etc.

I was able to better control my thoughts and my actions … until, for a brief moment, I couldn’t. I lost my cool while driving in the car with my kids and yelled at them (louder than was necessary). My daughter mumbled something about the irony that I was going to be a meditation guide.

But, that is the whole point! I CAN be a peaceful, mindful, optimistic, joyful person while ALSO sometimes being a hothead who is intolerant of arguing children or certain noises or of people who are running late.

I can be both. You can be both. Absorb that. Remember that. Believe that.

“It’s hard to practice compassion when we’re struggling with our authenticity or when our own worthiness is off-balance.” — Brene Brown

Even now, while I am currently living in the North Shore, I consider moving back to the bustling city full of energy, motion, excitement and change. But, then there is that other part of me that wants to live on a farm full of rescue dogs, a pet pig and maybe some goats.

Again, can I be both a cool city chic and a near-naturalist farm owner? Can I have both? It appears that I can — that we all can.

If you take the time to consider your own contradictions and your own authenticity, it will also make you more accepting of others. Don’t label people based on how much money they have, on their marital status, on who they voted for, on where they live, etc.

Instead, consider them as complex beings with many unexpected layers. This is how we become more compassionate beings. Start by looking deeply within your own self and wrap yourself up in endless understanding, grace and freedom.